Week 10 Bumpdate
Jul 25, 2018
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Jul 25, 2018
Week 10 Bumpdate
We Told Our Parents
We Told Our Parents
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WE DID IT!!!
I never felt more nervous in my entire life to tell my parents and Tanner's parents the big news. It's been a week and I think some breathing time was definitely needed in order to write this post with a clear mind. Here's the story:
It was a Wednesday after work and Tanner and I went to my house to wait for my mom to come home from work. I texted her to let her know we were both coming over because we usually don't spend Wednesday evenings at my house. Once my mom got home from work, I asked my sisters to go in their bedroom to watch TV, as soon as Tanner and I sat down, I told my mom and dad that I had to tell them something and my mom said "I already know what your are going to to say". I said "I'm pregnant" and she said "I knew it" and then what I thought was going to happen was a yelling match actually turned into a very civil and informative conversation. My mom and dad said "everything will work out" over and over again and my mom even said she already loved this sweet baby. There was a lot more said and to be honest it's a bit blurry because my adrenaline was at an all time high. My mom and dad basically told Tanner and myself that we need to keep focusing on our relationship with each other now and especially once the baby comes and we NEED to find a place of our own to live because they think it's very important that we grow our family as one unit and not have any outside perspectives influencing it like family members. My parents were very understanding and very informative about everything. They said they would be here for us and the baby and they hugged us and told us they loved us. It was nothing like I expected and it went so well. My mom had me at 17 so she knows how it feels to tell parents big news like this and how hard it is so her thoughts, words and understanding was needed in this situation.
From My house we left to go tell Tanner's parents the news, we were a bit nervous but still reeling from telling my parents that we almost felt numb. Telling Tanner's parent's was so much easier, he obviously took the reigns on telling them and they immediately got smiles on their faces. They said "we can't say we aren't excited" and they hugged us and told us they loved us. Tanner's mom mentioned us getting married before the baby comes but we just can't yet because of health insurance. My dad has amazing health insurance and I want to have the best coverage possible during the pregnancy.
Finally we went and told my grandparents and great grandma. I was just beyond spent by this point so telling them didn't seem like a big deal. Of course I was nervous but I just told them. My grandpa had the worst reaction of anyone we'd told, he yelled "what!" and then sat back in his recliner and didn't say a word while my grandma and Gmom asked Tanner and myself questions. He finally got up and was crying and came over and hugged and said he loved me and no matter what everything is going to be okay. It was honestly one of the most emotional things I'd ever experienced because I have never seen my grandpa like that. They were all happy for me and Tanner too and they said they would help out in any way possible.
Overall it went way different than I expected. Tanner and I had built up quite an army in our heads to defend ourselves against the yelling and disappointment from our parents but we really didn't need that army and to be honest. We were given love and support and everything someone in our situation would want. For the first few days we were definitely in a little bit of a daze over the experience, we kept telling each other "this is weird" but as the days have gone on, it's been a little more normal. Telling everyone was such a huge relief and a weight lifted off our shoulders. We are able to breathe and enjoy this experience a little more. We still have so much to work out and I really never thought I would be in a situation where it wasn't a super "exciting" thing to tell my parents they are going to be grandparents but it worked out in the end and Tanner and I are so beyond grateful for all the love and support.
It was a Wednesday after work and Tanner and I went to my house to wait for my mom to come home from work. I texted her to let her know we were both coming over because we usually don't spend Wednesday evenings at my house. Once my mom got home from work, I asked my sisters to go in their bedroom to watch TV, as soon as Tanner and I sat down, I told my mom and dad that I had to tell them something and my mom said "I already know what your are going to to say". I said "I'm pregnant" and she said "I knew it" and then what I thought was going to happen was a yelling match actually turned into a very civil and informative conversation. My mom and dad said "everything will work out" over and over again and my mom even said she already loved this sweet baby. There was a lot more said and to be honest it's a bit blurry because my adrenaline was at an all time high. My mom and dad basically told Tanner and myself that we need to keep focusing on our relationship with each other now and especially once the baby comes and we NEED to find a place of our own to live because they think it's very important that we grow our family as one unit and not have any outside perspectives influencing it like family members. My parents were very understanding and very informative about everything. They said they would be here for us and the baby and they hugged us and told us they loved us. It was nothing like I expected and it went so well. My mom had me at 17 so she knows how it feels to tell parents big news like this and how hard it is so her thoughts, words and understanding was needed in this situation.
From My house we left to go tell Tanner's parents the news, we were a bit nervous but still reeling from telling my parents that we almost felt numb. Telling Tanner's parent's was so much easier, he obviously took the reigns on telling them and they immediately got smiles on their faces. They said "we can't say we aren't excited" and they hugged us and told us they loved us. Tanner's mom mentioned us getting married before the baby comes but we just can't yet because of health insurance. My dad has amazing health insurance and I want to have the best coverage possible during the pregnancy.
Finally we went and told my grandparents and great grandma. I was just beyond spent by this point so telling them didn't seem like a big deal. Of course I was nervous but I just told them. My grandpa had the worst reaction of anyone we'd told, he yelled "what!" and then sat back in his recliner and didn't say a word while my grandma and Gmom asked Tanner and myself questions. He finally got up and was crying and came over and hugged and said he loved me and no matter what everything is going to be okay. It was honestly one of the most emotional things I'd ever experienced because I have never seen my grandpa like that. They were all happy for me and Tanner too and they said they would help out in any way possible.
Overall it went way different than I expected. Tanner and I had built up quite an army in our heads to defend ourselves against the yelling and disappointment from our parents but we really didn't need that army and to be honest. We were given love and support and everything someone in our situation would want. For the first few days we were definitely in a little bit of a daze over the experience, we kept telling each other "this is weird" but as the days have gone on, it's been a little more normal. Telling everyone was such a huge relief and a weight lifted off our shoulders. We are able to breathe and enjoy this experience a little more. We still have so much to work out and I really never thought I would be in a situation where it wasn't a super "exciting" thing to tell my parents they are going to be grandparents but it worked out in the end and Tanner and I are so beyond grateful for all the love and support.
Jul 17, 2018
Week 9 Bumpdate/First Doctor's Appointment
Week 9 Bumpdate/First Doctor's Appointment
Jul 17, 2018
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The amount of emotions I have running through my head all day long is insane, one minute I feel like nothing else matters in the world other than our sweet little baby but then the next minute I am having a slight panic attack thinking about talking to my parents about the baby. At the end of the day though I keep coming back to the same thought that everything is going to be okay. It has to be and I have total faith that it will be. I am going into this new chapter of my life knowing that Tanner and I love each other with everything we have, we are both hardworking and willing to do whatever it is we need to do to make this little family we're building work and succeed, even if no one else thinks we can.
Tanner wasn't able to go with me today because we both still work together and there would have been no way he could have faked an excuse to leave work at the same time. I am one day away from 9 weeks so I thought I should just combine the two posts. Overall I am still feeling good, no morning sickness, only fatigue and breast tenderness which I guess is totally normal and the doctor said I should consider myself lucky that those are the only real side effects. My only cravings have been cookies, I just want to eat 10 cookies a day and Tanner calls me and baby his "cookie monsters" right now because of how much I want them, although I think he's enjoying it a little himself because every time I get a cookie somewhere, he gets one too. Tanner and I are just so overwhelmed with love and excitement and nervousness for our little one and we can't wait for this whole journey into parenthood.
Here's to week 9 with our little wild strawberry baby!
Jul 10, 2018
Week 8 Bumpdate
Week 8 Bumpdate
Jul 10, 2018
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Well I am officially in my 8th week of being pregnant (according to the calculator online) and I feel pretty good actually! Tanner and found out when I around 5 1/2 weeks pregnant and I haven't quite figured out how I want to document this journey, but I figured blogging about it is a fun way to get all of my scattered thoughts down. We still have yet to tell our parents and family members, and we are planning to wait to tell them until after my first doctors appointment which is next week. We are so incredibly nervous because of the whole not being married thing and not living together already thing, basically we have SO much to figure out in these next 6 months. On the other hand though we are just desperate to tell everyone for a few reasons, for one, we just want to get it over with, to get the "family discussions" over with so everyone can move forward with us in this next chapter of our lives. Two, it's actually been harder than we thought with the whole not being able to drink because we get invited to go out and I am expected to get a drink at dinner or drink by the pool but I can't. Just this past weekend we took my cousin out from New Jersey to go drinking in Downtown Redlands and I had to pretend to use the restroom while Tanner distracted her from looking towards the bar while I told the bartender to hold the vodka on the vodka and sprite because I'm expecting. The waitress was super sweet about it and it was also kind of an exciting moment because she was the very first person I've told besides Tanner since finding out we're expecting. The third reason is because Tanner and I are actually getting pretty excited about it and we want to be able to talk about it freely and start to feel like we aren't complete failures.
As far as health goes, I feel like I am doing great because I don't have a bit of morning sickness and to me that is a HUGE win! I am totally and completely exhausted 24/7 though, I mean I can hardly keep my eyes open through the Bachelor on Monday nights, Tanner usually has to fill me in on who got booted off because I just can't make it. I have also experienced my first bit of heartburn which is weird but I'm dealing with it. The whole bathroom situation...well without getting too "graphic" I've been needing to pee way more and I definitely feel this weird pressure after I pee like I have to pee more but nothing comes out. I've also been having a little bit of trouble going "potty" which I've read is pretty normal or to be expected, I've just been trying to eat more fibrous foods and it's been helping enough. oh and my biggest health or body change is my boobs!!!! The soreness is so real and they are looking quite robust lately which I know that means bigger boobs are here to stay. As far as mental health goes, I am doing okay, my moods were pretty crazy in the beginning and I would get upset over basically nothing but the mood swings are subsiding a little now and Tanner is over the moon about it!
Our little one is growing everyday and I am so anxious to get to the doctor's to make sure everything is okay, Tanner has been the best, most doting father to be already and we are still in the very early stages so I have a lot of hope for the next several months. The things I'm most excited for next are finding out the gender and starting to buy some super cute baby clothes. The thing I'm not looking forward to, gaining weight, but I know it's for my tiny human so I'm willing to sacrifice my figure for him or her.
May 16, 2018
I'm Freaking Engaged!
I'm Freaking Engaged!
May 16, 2018
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I feel like I have no
words as I write this post....I’M FREAKING ENGAGED!!! I get to marry my best
friend and I cannot contain my excitement about it. It happened on May 5, 2018,
Cinco de Mayo (which means absolutely nothing to us LOL). We were on a friends
camping trip in Yosemite for the weekend and I had absolutely no idea that he
was going to ask me to be his wife. We had just gotten back from a day in the
meadow looking at El Capitan and when we got back (with only half the group),
Tanner asked me if I wanted to go for a walk by the river and obviously I did!
I love water! We were walking down there just talking and holding hands and
when we got to a cute little spot by the water, I was messing around in my
Hunter boots splashing around in the water and I turned around and asked him
for my surprise when we got back to the tent because all day he had been
taunting me that he had a surprise for me and I thought about it in that moment
and when I turned around from splashing in the water, he was standing there
with a little box in his hand. I swear my stomach immediately dropped! I know I
wrote this earlier but I had no idea that he was going to give me a ring, I
thought for sure he made me a custom coffee mug because I have such an
obsession with them but NOPE! He opened the box and in there was the most
beautiful dainty rose gold engagement ring with a diamond cluster. He told me
that he loved me and said he wanted to ask me somewhere pretty and he wanted it
to be on his terms and not on anyone else’s. He asked me to be his wife and
that was it, I said 1000 times yes and we kissed and I was freaking out. I am
going to be honest, it was a pretty big blur because I was just so excited and
happy and overwhelmed with love. It was an amazing moment, we took a few
selfies and hung around the water for a little longer before going back to the
camp site.
We didn’t tell his
friends until the next evening but it ended up being perfect because we kind of
got to keep it a little secret between us for a night and that’s so us when it
comes to our relationship, we like to relish in our own excitement and keep
things to ourselves.
The biggest issue with
the whole thing (if issue is even a word) but he did not talk to my parents
about it before he asked me to marry him. My parents are not traditional, but I
know my mom and she is pretty hard on me when it comes to growing up and being
responsible, so I knew it was going to be a battle when we got home and it HAS
been! I am so happy about this whole thing and I wouldn’t change it for the
world because I love everything about Tanner, but I just wish my own mom could
be happier for me from the beginning. It’s still pretty fresh and I don’t want
to say too much that I will regret later but I am hoping that she can
eventually be happy for Tanner and I. He is the most amazing person I know and
it will all get better once Tanner has a chance to talk to my parents.
We are planning on
keeping the engagement on the longer side, maybe 1-2 years. We have some things
to figure out, I have to figure out which school I am going to go to and he has
to figure out his career choice, we aren’t going to make those stipulations of
planning the marriage but it would be nice to have a little stability when we
enter into a marriage together.
I cannot say enough
things about how amazing Tanner is. He has the kindest heart, the biggest heart
and the most selfless heart. He is there for anyone when they need him and he
has been the most loyal friend, brother, son and grandson and when I hear his
family talk about him, I can’t help but to get super giddy inside that he’s
mine and I get to be his wife. And can I just say...that beard (so hot!!) He’s
my best friend in the entire world, I know him in the most unbiased way and I
love him without bias as well. I cannot thank God enough for not only bringing
he and I together but for how he brought us together, He let us get to know
each other without judgement or hesitation or the need to impress each other,
He truly let us get to know one another’s souls, our strengths and weaknesses,
the way we handle stress and tough situations, the way we interact with people
and most importantly the way we work together.
I can’t stop saying
“Tanner is going to be my husband” in my head and I can’t stop looking at my
left ring finger and just thinking that the love of my life gave that to me
because he chooses me!
So here’s to a new
chapter in mine and Tanner’s love story.
I am now a FIANCÉ and a future McIlrath!
Feb 3, 2018
Nobody Likes You When You're 23
Nobody Likes You When You're 23
Feb 3, 2018
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Well...it happened. I turned another year older on Saturday. I am 23 years old now and I can hardly believe it! I feel like I just turned 16 last year. I am not very good with time and things changing and moving forward, I am always excited about the future but at the same time it gives me major anxiety.
My birthday was a little different this year than any other year in the past, this was the FIRST birthday in 23 years that I have not seen my mom or dad or grandparents on my actual birthday. My boyfriend planned a weekend in Big Bear with his siblings and cousin and my best friend and it was one of the best weekends I've had in a very long time! We hung out, drank lots of beer, played a little pool at my favorite bar in the village and danced around the cabin while taking shots of Captain Morgan and Jameson. I couldn't have asked for a better birthday weekend, spent with my people.
So hear's to another year older, hopefully another year wiser and another year of being completely blessed with the best family and friend's a girl could ask for!
And hopefully Blink 182 got it all wrong when they said "nobody likes you when you're 23"
spotify:track:5JZcX7TTLx4l0xFIXJ3DBt
My birthday was a little different this year than any other year in the past, this was the FIRST birthday in 23 years that I have not seen my mom or dad or grandparents on my actual birthday. My boyfriend planned a weekend in Big Bear with his siblings and cousin and my best friend and it was one of the best weekends I've had in a very long time! We hung out, drank lots of beer, played a little pool at my favorite bar in the village and danced around the cabin while taking shots of Captain Morgan and Jameson. I couldn't have asked for a better birthday weekend, spent with my people.
So hear's to another year older, hopefully another year wiser and another year of being completely blessed with the best family and friend's a girl could ask for!
And hopefully Blink 182 got it all wrong when they said "nobody likes you when you're 23"
spotify:track:5JZcX7TTLx4l0xFIXJ3DBt
Jan 10, 2018
Month Two
Month Two
Jan 10, 2018
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P.S. This relationship is "big" meaning I realize I am going to be with this person for a long time, he might even be "my person" but I have been in two other pretty "big" relationships, one in high school and then one that ended not too long ago after 2 years. I've also dated a few guys in between those on a much more casual level but I have never spent a holiday with one of them! No Christmas's, no Thanksgiving's, no holidays...EVER! This Christmas Eve was the first time I have ever spent a holiday with a boyfriend's family and it was so much fun! I got to experience someone else's traditions and I feel like the fact that I WANTED to spend it with him and his family is something to be said about how I feel completely different about this guy. I am afraid to say too much yet because I don't want to jinx anything but I really feel like this could be it. I even surprised myself when I agreed to spend the holiday with him, the old me would say "sorry bud, you can spend it with your family and I'll spend it with mine". I think I'm in love...actually I KNOW I'm in love!
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