Changes

Well I think it’s safe to say that a lot has changed since I’ve last posted anything on here. I think the biggest life change has been my relationship status...but then again not so much because my relationship status changed again (it’ll make sense later). A couple of months ago I went through a pretty big breakup, I had been dating someone for two years and it just wasn’t working on my end anymore and I couldn’t keep going on just for the sake of not wanting to be alone or not wanting to hurt him, so I took the plunge and made a change in my life! It was definitely the hardest thing I have ever had to do relationship wise and that’s because he was/is such an awesome guy, he did nothing wrong, he didn’t cheat or lie, he never abused me...nothing of the sort. My family loved him and I did too, I just came to realize I was not in love with him anymore. I took on a very maternal role in the relationship with him, and that’s not all his fault, I probably created some of that and he was almost two full years younger than me, but at the end of the day, I realized I do not want to be a mother to my significant other, I want us to be equals, I want us to both bring something to the table that will help each other grow and learn.

Making the decision to do this was not easy AT ALL!!! I was wrestling around with the idea that I was unhappy for months and months, I thought maybe it was my own funk that I was in, so I made a change, I got healthy and lost fifty pounds and that was a great change in my life but I realized that just because I fixed myself, didn’t mean my relationship was magically fixed. I quickly came to realize I was not going to fix it and I needed to get out. 

I am going to be completely honest, I was so checked out by the end, there was nothing he could do right in my eyes and I was just plain unhappy, I stayed though because I was afraid of the unknown, for a year I thought I was going to marry this person and then something in me realized it would never work. I hardly talked to him by the end and I wanted no physical contact with him either. The real kicker to this whole thing though, is the fact that I found myself thinking about other guys, one guy in particular,  and I knew in my heart that because I was thinking about another man, I could not keep it going, I coundn’t stay in a relationship that wasn’t right for his sake and for mine. I ended it after a family vacation that he went on. It was so hard to hurt someone like that and I never wish that upon anyone (well maybe a couple of people LOL) but I can say that at the end of that night and after all the tears, I felt relief because I knew I wasn’t cheating myself or him from finding the “right person”. 

Since the breakup I have been so happy and I have been living life the way I want. I would like to say I am taking time for myself to grow and learn and reflect but I am fairly committed to a guy already, and no I NEVER cheated with him or anything like that but we did quickly share our feelings for each other after the breakup. But it’s been so so good, I will save my new relationship happenings for another post but it’s all smiles and heart eyes on my end :)

P.S. I love snapchat filters!!