Week 8 Bumpdate

Week 8 Bumpdate

Jul 10, 2018

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Well I am officially in my 8th week of being pregnant (according to the calculator online) and I feel pretty good actually! Tanner and found out when I around 5 1/2 weeks pregnant and I haven't quite figured out how I want to document this journey, but I figured blogging about it is a fun way to get all of my scattered thoughts down. We still have yet to tell our parents and family members, and we are planning to wait to tell them until after my first doctors appointment which is next week. We are so incredibly nervous because of the whole not being married thing and not living together already thing, basically we have SO much to figure out in these next 6 months. On the other hand though we are just desperate to tell everyone for a few reasons, for one, we just want to get it over with, to get the "family discussions" over with so everyone can move forward with us in this next chapter of our lives. Two, it's actually been harder than we thought with the whole not being able to drink because we get invited to go out and I am expected to get a drink at dinner or drink by the pool but I can't. Just this past weekend we took my cousin out from New Jersey to go drinking in Downtown Redlands and I had to pretend to use the restroom while Tanner distracted her from looking towards the bar while I told the bartender to hold the vodka on the vodka and sprite because I'm expecting. The waitress was super sweet about it and it was also kind of an exciting moment because she was the very first person I've told besides Tanner since finding out we're expecting. The third reason is because Tanner and I are actually getting pretty excited about it and we want to be able to talk about it freely and start to feel like we aren't complete failures.

As far as health goes, I feel like I am doing great because I don't have a bit of morning sickness and to me that is a HUGE win! I am totally and completely exhausted 24/7 though, I mean I can hardly keep my eyes open through the Bachelor on Monday nights, Tanner usually has to fill me in on who got booted off because I just can't make it. I have also experienced my first bit of heartburn which is weird but I'm dealing with it. The whole bathroom situation...well without getting too "graphic" I've been needing to pee way more and I definitely feel this weird pressure after I pee like I have to pee more but nothing comes out. I've also been having a little bit of trouble going "potty" which I've read is pretty normal or to be expected, I've just been trying to eat more fibrous foods and it's been helping enough. oh and my biggest health or body change is my boobs!!!! The soreness is so real and they are looking quite robust lately which I know that means bigger boobs are here to stay. As far as mental health goes, I am doing okay, my moods were pretty crazy in the beginning and I would get upset over basically nothing but the mood swings are subsiding a little now and Tanner is over the moon about it!

Our little one is growing everyday and I am so anxious to get to the doctor's to make sure everything is okay, Tanner has been the best, most doting father to be already and we are still in the very early stages so I have a lot of hope for the next several months. The things I'm most excited for next are finding out the gender and starting to buy some super cute baby clothes. The thing I'm not looking forward to, gaining weight, but I know it's for my tiny human so I'm willing to sacrifice my figure for him or her.

I'm Freaking Engaged!

I'm Freaking Engaged!

May 16, 2018

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I feel like I have no words as I write this post....I’M FREAKING ENGAGED!!! I get to marry my best friend and I cannot contain my excitement about it. It happened on May 5, 2018, Cinco de Mayo (which means absolutely nothing to us LOL). We were on a friends camping trip in Yosemite for the weekend and I had absolutely no idea that he was going to ask me to be his wife. We had just gotten back from a day in the meadow looking at El Capitan and when we got back (with only half the group), Tanner asked me if I wanted to go for a walk by the river and obviously I did! I love water! We were walking down there just talking and holding hands and when we got to a cute little spot by the water, I was messing around in my Hunter boots splashing around in the water and I turned around and asked him for my surprise when we got back to the tent because all day he had been taunting me that he had a surprise for me and I thought about it in that moment and when I turned around from splashing in the water, he was standing there with a little box in his hand. I swear my stomach immediately dropped! I know I wrote this earlier but I had no idea that he was going to give me a ring, I thought for sure he made me a custom coffee mug because I have such an obsession with them but NOPE! He opened the box and in there was the most beautiful dainty rose gold engagement ring with a diamond cluster. He told me that he loved me and said he wanted to ask me somewhere pretty and he wanted it to be on his terms and not on anyone else’s. He asked me to be his wife and that was it, I said 1000 times yes and we kissed and I was freaking out. I am going to be honest, it was a pretty big blur because I was just so excited and happy and overwhelmed with love. It was an amazing moment, we took a few selfies and hung around the water for a little longer before going back to the camp site.

We didn’t tell his friends until the next evening but it ended up being perfect because we kind of got to keep it a little secret between us for a night and that’s so us when it comes to our relationship, we like to relish in our own excitement and keep things to ourselves.

The biggest issue with the whole thing (if issue is even a word) but he did not talk to my parents about it before he asked me to marry him. My parents are not traditional, but I know my mom and she is pretty hard on me when it comes to growing up and being responsible, so I knew it was going to be a battle when we got home and it HAS been! I am so happy about this whole thing and I wouldn’t change it for the world because I love everything about Tanner, but I just wish my own mom could be happier for me from the beginning. It’s still pretty fresh and I don’t want to say too much that I will regret later but I am hoping that she can eventually be happy for Tanner and I. He is the most amazing person I know and it will all get better once Tanner has a chance to talk to my parents.

We are planning on keeping the engagement on the longer side, maybe 1-2 years. We have some things to figure out, I have to figure out which school I am going to go to and he has to figure out his career choice, we aren’t going to make those stipulations of planning the marriage but it would be nice to have a little stability when we enter into a marriage together.

I cannot say enough things about how amazing Tanner is. He has the kindest heart, the biggest heart and the most selfless heart. He is there for anyone when they need him and he has been the most loyal friend, brother, son and grandson and when I hear his family talk about him, I can’t help but to get super giddy inside that he’s mine and I get to be his wife. And can I just say...that beard (so hot!!) He’s my best friend in the entire world, I know him in the most unbiased way and I love him without bias as well. I cannot thank God enough for not only bringing he and I together but for how he brought us together, He let us get to know each other without judgement or hesitation or the need to impress each other, He truly let us get to know one another’s souls, our strengths and weaknesses, the way we handle stress and tough situations, the way we interact with people and most importantly the way we work together.

I can’t stop saying “Tanner is going to be my husband” in my head and I can’t stop looking at my left ring finger and just thinking that the love of my life gave that to me because he chooses me!

So here’s to a new chapter in mine and Tanner’s love story. 

I am now a FIANCÉ and a future McIlrath!

Nobody Likes You When You're 23

Nobody Likes You When You're 23

Feb 3, 2018

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Well...it happened. I turned another year older on Saturday. I am 23 years old now and I can hardly believe it! I feel like I just turned 16 last year. I am not very good with time and things changing and moving forward, I am always excited about the future but at the same time it gives me major anxiety.

My birthday was a little different this year than any other year in the past, this was the FIRST birthday in 23 years that I have not seen my mom or dad or grandparents on my actual birthday. My boyfriend planned a weekend in Big Bear with his siblings and cousin and my best friend and it was one of the best weekends I've had in a very long time! We hung out, drank lots of beer, played a little pool at my favorite bar in the village and danced around the cabin while taking shots of Captain Morgan and Jameson. I couldn't have asked for a better birthday weekend, spent with my people.

So hear's to another year older, hopefully another year wiser and another year of being completely blessed with the best family and friend's a girl could ask for!

And hopefully Blink 182 got it all wrong when they said "nobody likes you when you're 23"

spotify:track:5JZcX7TTLx4l0xFIXJ3DBt

Month Two

Month Two

Jan 10, 2018

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P.S. This relationship is "big" meaning I realize I am going to be with this person for a long time, he might even be "my person" but I have been in two other pretty "big" relationships, one in high school and then one that ended not too long ago after 2 years. I've also dated a few guys in between those on a much more casual level but I have never spent a holiday with one of them! No Christmas's, no Thanksgiving's, no holidays...EVER! This Christmas Eve was the first time I have ever spent a holiday with a boyfriend's family and it was so much fun! I got to experience someone else's traditions and I feel like the fact that I WANTED to spend it with him and his family is something to be said about how I feel completely different about this guy. I am afraid to say too much yet because I don't want to jinx anything but I really feel like this could be it. I even surprised myself when I agreed to spend the holiday with him, the old me would say "sorry bud, you can spend it with your family and I'll spend it with mine". I think I'm in love...actually I KNOW I'm in love!

See Yaaa 2017!

See Yaaa 2017!

Jan 1, 2018

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Hands down this has been one of the weirdest years I've had in a long time. The year started out crazy with my ex boyfriend moving 5 minutes away from me (we were a commuter couple before he moved). That was such a whirlwind because I am a pretty independent person and having someone that I had been dating for a year and would only see on the weekends suddenly become a part of my everyday life was a huge adjustment. Anyone that knows me, knows that I LOVE LOVE LOVE birthday's and this past year's birthday was a blur, I don't even know what I did to be honest. The summer went by so fast, I don't think I went to the beach once...and I live in Southern California!! Before I knew it, I was having relationship problems, I realized I needed to make a change in my health so I started eating right and exercising and my life changed drastically in that way but I realized that my relationships were not right and I needed to change some things. Before I could even blink I was on my most favorite family vacation ever, spending the week at Twin Lakes with my family was just what I needed for clarity and peace of mind. I got home from that trip, became single...then not single again because I started a new relationship with a very very unexpected person. Halloween rolled around which ended up being a super fun time of the year for me, I went to San Diego with some friends and did my annual trick or treating with my sisters. Thanksgiving was a blimp in time and Christmas came around before I could take my next breath!
Now I am sitting here at my desk at work because my department has to work the week between Christmas and New Year's (yup...only my department, the rest of the company has off for the holiday...just my luck) and I am just reflecting on the year I've had, the changes I wanted to make and made, the things that came out of nowhere and some resolutions I still need to roll over from 2017 to 2018.

Let's see what 2018 has to offer!!!

Month One

Month One

Dec 9, 2017

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Relationship Status

Relationship Status

Nov 9, 2017

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New New New! So many changes in my life, all good ones and I am so happy to be on this journey called life, of course it's a little nerve wracking to be dating someone new again. The "honeymoon" part of a new relationship is always fun and exciting but I will definitely say getting comfortable with someone is always a nice goal to have and somewhere I can't wait to be with this person. He and I have known each other for some time now and we've spent A LOT of time together but I think that's the beauty of our relationship, he and I just know each other, on a very unbiased level because we were in no way looking to date each other while we were getting to know each other. Something in our heads and our hearts just changed one day, we can't pinpoint a time, but I can easily say I am incredibly happy it has.

My relationship is going to remain very illusive and vague for a while (no pictures posted of us and no social media will be involved for some time) because of the situation we're in...no he's not married or hiding from the law or anything crazy like that, he and I just both feel like keeping it a secret is the best way to grow and preserve our relationship.

There are so many wonderful things I can say about him, he is very thoughtful and kind, and he's nothing I imagined for myself but I quickly came to realize he is everything I need, and I am finding out everyday, he is everything I want in a relationship.